Top 5 Ski Resort Movies of All Time
Around this time of year, there’s not much better than hitting the slopes for a day, grabbing some apres-ski nachos and a brew, then heading home for a hilarious ski movie. Some may argue that there aren’t enough ski-themed flicks to warrant a top 5 list, but you’d be surprised. While recent years haven’t been to fruitful, the late 80s and early 90s were the heyday of the genre. Before global warming melted all the powder and the recession wiped out the profits of the boom years, people still had loot to go skiing and high-concept comedies were still in style. That said, if ever a film about “saving the mountain” were relevant, it would be now, so hopefully 2009 will be a comeback year for the genre that can basically be called “Movies About Awesome Dudes Saving the Mountain from Assholes.” Anyway, here’s my list—feel free to add your own picks in the comments.
5) Out Cold
This one’s sort of an anomaly insofar as it’s post-millennial and the main characters are snowboarders instead of skiers. (Maybe that’s why it came in last!) But in spite of trying to be a bit “trendy” with the ‘boarding element and the inclusion of a gay, it is extremely loyal to its pedigree, cashing in on many of the stock tropes of the genre: a no-frills ski resort threatened by a latte-slinging, yuppy-loving developer; an extremely old school founder of the mountain (here memorialized in a Stein Erickson-esque statue of “Papa Muntz”); a band of good-hearted misfits who drink lots of beer and mostly act insanely; and hot ski bunnies who manipulate the bad guys. For these reasons people might claim it’s a parody, but then all ski movies since Hot Dog would be as well. It does, however, reference #3 on this list by having a black dude in the mix, and it’s apparently a campy retelling of Casablanca (who knew?). But that’s all somewhat irrelevant, because the real reason Out Cold makes the grade is due to the outstanding comedic performance of Zach Galifianakis, who delights throughout as he defiles a hot tub and drops lines like, “These suit is really cramping my Hardy Boys. It’s no mystery.”
Hit the jump for the rest of the list…
4) Hot Dog…The Movie! (1984)
It doesn’t get much more 80s than rear-entry boots and skiing in gators and jeans. Hot Dog invented the ski comedy genre to a large extent, bringing the tried-and-true formula of the adolescent sex romp to the slopes. It was an enormous hit at the time and became one of the iconic titles of 80s comedy, up there with Porkys and Revenge of the Nerds. Furthermore, the movie featured 1982 Playmate of the Year Shannon Tweed in the leading lady role and really established one of the cardinal rules of ski movies: people from Europe are always assholes. Finally, I like how the title clarifies that it’s Hot Dog…THE MOVIE! I think all films should include that addendum, especially ones that are actually based on books (which this one certainly isn’t).
3) Ski Patrol (1990)
Ski patrollers around the country came out looking a little better after this hilarious flick, which featured an unlikely performance from Mexican-American jokesmith George Lopez. Instead of a-holes who clip your ticket for skiing recklessly, these patrollers were a motley crew of hilarious jesters who’d clip your ticket for skiing recklessly…but with a smile. The karaoke duet performed by Iceman and Stanley may not rival the “Shout” scene in Animal House, but it’s pretty great, and even though T.K. Carter is no Michael Winslow, he put it down for real. And let us not forgot the diminutive Leslie Jordan, who really nailed the role of the Napoleonic ski patrol director. Unfortunately it’s not flawless, though. It must be said that Ski Patrol ruined its chances to reign supreme in the genre by not showing us any boobs. As we all know, toplessness is a prerequisite of a great ski flick.
2) Aspen Extreme (1993)
Is this the dark horse of the list? Probably not if you’ve seen it—instead, you’re probably wondering why it’s not first! Aspen Extreme flipped the script by bringing the drama to the slopes, and what it lacked in hilarious slapstick comedy it more than made up for with hot babes, class warfare, and ski scenes that were actually good (they were shot in the Aspen Highlands backcountry). Indeed, the amazing thing about the women in this flick is that they could actually shred, which was tres sexy. Finally, while all ski movies feature heavy beer drinking, this one brought out that other powder, if you catch my drift. Basically, the stakes are just higher on all front—the Seattle Times review on the DVD cover says it all: “TOP GUN on the Ski Slopes!” As I prepare for a February trip to Aspen with my own lil’ ski bunny, I will definitely be watching Aspen Extreme repeatedly and studying the moves of the great Dexter Rutecki.
1) Ski School
This movie is so close to my heart that it’s almost impossible to judge it objectively. Thankfully, this list is COMPLETELY SUBJECTIVE! Ski School wins on all fronts: Lots of hot tubs, lots of beer, and, most importantly, lots of hooters. The first boobs comes just minutes into the movie, and they’re covered in neon paint at a crazy après-ski party. It’s sort of like one of those “magic eye” pictures where you have to stare at the patterns for a while before the image—in this case, a nice pair of knockers—jumps out at you. My brother and I used to shout “SLOW MOTION REPLAY” during this part and leave our friend’s slack-jawed and flabbergasted when we showed them these luminescent tatas. Then, of course, there was Paulette. Paulette was my first real crush—the beautiful ski bunny with a great sense of humor who dumps the rich, type-A asshole for the devil-may-care jokers. And that’s the thing about Ski School—the dudes are literally the merriest band of pranksters since A Midsummer’s Night Dream. Even though they were the misfits, I always wanted to be like them. Coming up skiing at Wintergreen in the Blue Ridge Mountains, I used to rock a sticker on each boot—one said “Party” and the other said “Animal.” And then I’d say things like, “I will bed you all before the night is through,” in restaurants and quote Shakespeare without even knowing that I was doing so. And why did I do these things? For one simple reason: Dave Marshak is a goddamn folk hero!
