TAKAHIROMIYASHITATheSoloist has released a toe-curling new collaboration in partnership with VibramFiveFingers and Suicoke that, quite honestly, makes me feel a little queasy.

Now, I’m no podophobic (someone who has a fear of feet and/or toes), but five fingered shoes in general have never sat right with me. Take these terrifying toenail shoes, for instance. Or those ghastly wet suit creps.

For me, I think it’s the way each individual toe wriggles when inside its respective compartment. Or perhaps the fumbling art of actually getting them onto your feet. Truth be told, I’m a firm believer that your toes should be virtually one solid square block and not individually separated and stretched between differing levels of fabric. Let's leave the separation to the gloves, shall we?

Nevertheless, the toe-heavy two-piece capsule — which officially dropped on September 23 — comprises two takes of Suicoke’s popular NIN-SABO silhouette that have been rejigged through the lens of Takahiro Miyashita’s eponymous Japanese label.

Coming equipped with monk straps and a super-grippy Vibram MEGAGRIP sole underfoot, the end result is a peculiar sort of Boston Birkenstock meets deep sea diving aesthetic.

Sure, both colorways will likely go down well with the gorp heads (they love anything slightly out of the ordinary), but for me and the 12 percent of Americans that suffer with podophobia (according to the world wide web) they won’t be coming anywhere near us. Period.