The Oscars are nearly upon us. We don't really care (House of Gucci flopped; Zendaya was only in Dune for, like, 2.5 seconds), but this year's ceremony is surely in for some particularly cringe-worthy moments.

Between the Academy's much-publicized spat with West Side Story star Rachel Zegler, its bizarre lineup of presenters, and Jane Campion's daring decision to make a public appearance after dissing Venus and Serena Williams, the evening is brimming with potential.

I invite you to whet your palette for Hollywood's prom night with our Secondhand Embarrassment Checklist: 2022 Oscars Edition. (Not much quite compares to 2017's "Hidden Fences" mix-up, though.)

Oh, and in case you missed it: here's who we're rooting for.

A performative tribute to Ukraine

Getty Images / Frazer Harrison

We all know this is going to happen at some point in the night. Gal Gadot will sing a cappella for peace. Amy Schumer will make a sex joke about Volodymyr Zelensky. Someone will cry. None of it will actually help.

Straight man fist-bumped for wearing a skirt

Getty Images / Gareth Cattermole

Timothée Chalamet says his Thom Browne skirt makes him feel dope. He also thinks that, as a man, wearing nail polish is okay.

Lady Gaga clarifies: she is Italian

Marone!

No female winners :(

Getty Images / Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Disney

This just in: Chris Pratt wins Best Actress in a Leading Role.

Jane Campion to Beyoncé: "I'm better!"

Getty Images / Randy Shropshire/Getty Images for Critics Choice Association

The Power of the Dog director turns her attention to another accomplished Black woman: Beyoncé, the night's most anticipated performer.

"Bey, you're pretty good," she says with a toothy smile. "But I'm better!"

Flash mob starring Lin-Manuel Miranda and the cast of West Side Story

What feels like terrorism but isn't terrorism? Being sung and danced at by a crowd of theater adults.